There's progress now..

Is there? Personally I think not. I'm as confused as ever. And I need help understanding what's running through your mind (or what's not). I reckon I'm completely wrong but why say these things? Just give me a clue? I guess I'll find out soon enough.. In the meantime, keep messing with my head, thank you. :)

Confuuuusedd.com :(

Don't you just hate it when people keep saying the odd little things that slowly build up in your head until you get to the stage where you don't know what to think anymore? Well that's where I am anyway.

Anyone looking for a last minute Christmas present for me?

This man would be perfect.

Thanks. :) <3

Sunshine. Lollipops & Rainbows.

HA, whatever :)

Dreams do come true..

I can't believe my luck; seriously. Friday 29th October 2010 was such a pivotal day of my life. Take That tickets go on sale at 9am. I got them at 7pm. What a day! Probably the most stressful day of my life but sooo completely worth it!! I have standing and I'm taking my lovely friend Amy who can't quite believe it herself either and during the process have found myself a wife. The fact is I could actually touch them, which is like.. My ultimate dream come true, just to look into Robbie's eyes and him look back would be more than enough but to touch him would just be.. awwww! Wow! I must be one of the happiest girls alive at the moment (apart from Amy of course who thought that she wasn't going). It's going to take a long time to sink in, my first Robbie Williams gig from 2006 still hasn't sunk in, never mind a forthcoming one!! Eeeeeee happy days! :D

Long time no see! Speaking of not seeing; the only problem with A levels is that people go off to different places to study them, and you kinda lose touch with people that you were really close to which is really sad. Basically all my close friends apart from one left to go to college while we stayed on at 6th form. In a way I guess it's a good thing because if they'd all have stayed, I would have stayed with them and not really spoken to anyone but them, but I've found myself talking to people who I normally would avoid and I've really enjoyed their company and found that they're really nice people, and I've also got to know people properly that I knew before, which has been nice! I'd say I've settled down into this year nicely, I'm enjoying all my lessons now that they're going somewhere and we've got over the introductory crap. I'm just about keeping on top of the work load, but I have a funny feeling this is only the beginning! I had a bit of a funny moment today in art; I just lost all my ability to draw and got really annoyed at myself, so I just sat there and did nothing; so now I have all that to catch up on, whoops! Overall a good start and glad I decided to stay! :)

Hmmm.. Not done one of these in a while!
Don't you find it annoying when things don't turn out as you'd thought? It really disappoints me.. Ok I know it was only a poxy film, but I'd seen people I know on facebook saying that it was scary and hearing of people who screamed and got up and left the cinema.. Well I didn't face any of those things, I actually found it quite amusing. Great film, but just disappointed me by the fact that I wasn't hiding under my duvet refusing to come out or anything of the sort.
Just shear disappointment and a waste of an hour nd a half of my life psyching myself up for this film.. Meh.



Paranormal Activity ♥

How I long to be there..

Well it's finally dawned on me..You know.. The fact that I get my GCSE results in 2 weeks? Why couldn't I feel like this when I was really meant to? Like when I sat the exams.. The fact that I wasn't worried at the time just makes me even more nervous for these results as I honestly have no idea how I've done. I've come to the conclusion that if I do badly, I'm going to get these next 2 years done with and then I'm leaving the country to start a new.Well I'm going to do it anyway so why not earlier? But in a way I'm hoping I've done well so I can convince myself to stay here a bit longer. As much as I say I don't like this country and I can't wait to get going and get out there, but I'm going to miss it.. A lot.. Miss all that British countryside and the sites, and of course, miss all my family and friends. I hope that's not going to be as hard as I think it will be.. Wow, I aim big.. But no matter what, nothing can make me change my mind, I've wanted it for a long time now and it's definitely going to happen in the near future!

La Nuit Du Chasseur..

I was born of the womb of a poisonous man
Beaten and broken and chased from the land
But I rise up above it, high up above it and see
I was hung from the tree made of tongues of the weak
The branches, the bones of the liars and thieves
Rise up above it, high up above it and see

Pray to your god, open your heart
Whatever you do don't be afraid of the dark
Cover your eyes, the devil's inside

One night of the hunter
One day I will get revenge
One night to remember
One day it'll all just end.. Oh..

Blessed by a bitch from a bastard's seed
Pleasure to meet you but better to bleed
Rise, I'll rise, I'll rise...
Skinned her alive, ripped her apart
Scattered her ashes, buried her heart
Rise up above it, high up above it and see

Pray to your god, open your heart
Whatever you do, don't be afraid of the dark
Cover your eyes, the devil's inside

One night of the hunter
One day I will get revenge
One night to remember
One day it'll all just end.. Oh..

Honest to god I will break your heart
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart
Honest to god I will break your heart
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart
Honest to god I will break your heart
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart
Honest to god I will break your heart
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart..

One night of the hunter
One day I will get revenge
One night to remember
One day it'll all just end.. Oh..

Currently in love with it.. <3

Favourite things..

Well Laura I thank you for tagging me in this.. As this will now prove how little of a life I really have :)
My favourite things at the moment..
- My iPod.
- My pumps with the sparkly bits on the side.
- Jared Leto.
- Eastenders.
- My Harry Potter books.
- Showers.
- The amazing feeling after buying gig tickets.
- Sunglasses.
- Trams.
- My pencil and stash of paper waiting to be used.

This is harder than it looks! I'm gonna leave it there now and I would pass it on to my followers but Laura's already done it and so I just have Tracey to pass it on to :)

The afterlife..

Do you believe in the afterlife? I'm not so sure.. I'd sound crazy to say I did, but then to say I didn't would be a lie to all I've experienced and to myself, and personally, I'm not much of a liar! I don't really wanna bring this up 'cause it'll probably just upset me, but as it's seriously bugging me and effecting me at the moment, I feel I must. Unfortunately my next door neighbor passed away earlier on this year.. And it's affected me dearly, however I knew that if I experienced anything weird I'd know what I believed about the afterlife.. I've experienced too much and I'm still not sure.. I've tried to use the excuse of "it's psychological" but every time it's been when I haven't been thinking about him.. So it can't be. Soon after his death, I smelled weed, and he was a heavy smoker of it.. I've smelled it a few times and every time it's been around me, it only ever happens to me, and I put that down to the fact that as a kid he was like the big brother I never had, he seriously looked after me and so to lose him had a really big effect on me.. God I'd love for an older brother, but like, quite a lot older than me.. Every night, after around 2am, I hear doors slamming next door, which was a nightly routine for him, there's always at least one door closing every night. Last night there were 2. So I didn't sleep much and just cried to myself. One night there was a door slam and then someone went thudding up the stairs, just like he used to, but luckily that's only happened once. And there was one night when I couldn't sleep again and I got thirsty so I went downstairs at around 4am to make myself a cup of hot chocolate and someone was arguing next door, like full on screaming at someone, just like he used to when he didn't get on with his dad, but there was only one voice, just arguing to itself.. That was probably the scariest situation yet. I have every reason to believe in the afterlife, but I just can't accept it I guess, and I don't know what will make me. What's it going to take to throw me over the edge? I wake up to find him watching over me? I don't know, christ if that happened I'd never sleep again.. Help, please?

Yesterday was eventful.. Job hunting. Tbh that says enough! I went into town with my friend Tracey with a load of CV's, hoping to get rid of the vast majority of them. Lets just say that we still have most of them :) Nowhere had any vacancies and the ones that did, you had to apply online, which didn't really work out for us! A couple of places took in CV's, and I got an application form from Starbucks, which was quite weird as I met up with my cousin later on and he said he'd got an interview in Starbucks on Thursday :) That would be pretty cool tbh, although, if I know this family well.. And I'm sure I do.. Starbucks will not hire two people with the name of Gawthorpe, so I'd best get looking somewhere else! After searching for a while, Tracey thought it would be good to meet up with her college friends Ben and Adam... I texted our Mike and asked him to meet me :) Which he did bless him, it was only for an hour though 'cause he was meeting his exes parents... Again it was a lovely meet up, and we sat and had a coffee outside Starbucks :) I tried to stay with him as long as I could but in a way I wish I hadn't 'cause his exes parents tried to get me to stay and have a meal with them which resulted in an argument at that place outside the City Hall XD Ahhh they were lovely, very fussy people. It wouldn't have been right going for a meal with them anyways, all they wanted to do was meet up with Mike and give him some stuff back, even though they all said I was more than welcome :) Which made me feel special as that was only my first meeting with them and my second with Mike :) I then went back to join Tracey and people and then went home :) So yeah, a very unsuccessful day! :) The weather was lovely though and I topped up my tan on my back :) which I'm chuffed about! I don't seem to tan anywhere else =/ Just my back haha! I've gotta go back into town at some point with these application forms.. Which should be fun! I'm bored of this game now haha, all I want is a job!! :(

Matthew Leone.

This is what I was going to do my post on yesterday but it just completely slipped my mind.. Makes me sound pretty heartless but I have to say that's what happened =/...

Suffering a massive shock …

i’m afraid I have some of the worst news that has ever hit our lives. It’s almost impossible to even type this update. A few nights ago, Matthew walked from my apt. a block and a half down the street to meet a friend for a drink. half way there he saw a man severely beating his wife. Being the most amazing, strong, heroic and incredible person I know.. even though the guy was twice his size, Matthew intervened. He managed to subdue this guy for a second and since his wife was beat up pretty good called the cops.. as he did so the guy jumped him from behind and beat him. This guy did things I can’t even type. After words, he and his beaten wife left Matthew unconcious on the street. Matthew is in the hospital with a third of his skull removed as we wait for the swelling in his brain to go down. I’d rather not share any additional information at this time besides the fact that he acted as a hero (as he always would in any of these situations) and is paying a horrific price. Pease send all your love and good energy and vibrations to him. I’ve been and will be next to him throughout the entire recovery process. We don’t know enough yet details about how that will develop.. but it has shocked, stunned, disgusted our best friends, family and band (which are both). The world can be evil beyond belief and as much as we want this evil eliminated, right now our hearts heads and energies need to go to my best friend, soul mate, hero, and angel, Matthew. Love you all and will be in touch as soon as I can muster up the emotional energy to reach out again. Please, be safe and peaceful as we get through this impossible time.

Nathan

This has been a real eye opener to me.. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, if you get in the way no one cares. There are some serious bastards out there and they really need to grow up.. Children turn to violence 'cause they don't know any other way.. However when you grow up you realise there are other alternatives.. Clearly this person hasn't grown up. To beat up your partner is one thing.. But to beat up someone you don't know; they could be anyone, could this person not see why Matthew was stepping in? Maybe take his abusive behaviour somewhere else that's not in the middle of the street? I actually felt sorry for the girl who he was abusing until I read that she walked away from Matthew after he'd just risked his life to save hers! Tbh she's just as sick as him. Luckily Matthew's making a quick recovery and is getting stronger each day. I don't know the guy but I have seen him and his band twice now and you start to feel a connection with them, like you know them. And this upset me dearly, I actually shed a few tears over it when I read it. It's just disgusting and I can't imagine what could make anyone result to that kind of behaviour.. This is what makes me thankful for who I am and how I've been brought up.. If I ever found myself acting that way towards someone I don't know what I'd do.. However if I ever was in the same situation as Matthew, I hope that I could act as bravely as he did. Matthew Leone is now a major role model in my life and I look up to him. My thoughts go out to Nathan too.. He's been through enough shit to last him a life time, and to hear this about his brother must have crushed him.. Bastards.. There's not much more I can say tbh...

I just had a thought for this post... And it's completely gone =/ ..
Oh yeah :) December! :O I'm gonna see You Me At Six and I found out today that The Blackout are supporting! Oh my good god! I actually nearly cried when I saw it! What a night that's going to be! I can't wait.. And hopefully.. 9 days after is 30 Seconds To Mars!! My mum gets paid on Friday so I'll ask her for tickets then :) I thought I was bad with You Me At Six but when I saw that 30 Seconds To Mars were touring I actually cried.. And I watched their latest video (Closer To The Edge) and actually cried. I cry when I listen to their stuff too 'cause I can imagine me stood their watching them perform it and wow.. I've never been this bad when thinking about a gig other than when thinking about Robbie Williams... That's how much I love 30 Seconds To Mars; for those who know me well will understand how much that is.
=/ shits kicking off.. Going for the night :)
Byee x

Hmmm... Well football went down the drain didn't it! Silly Germans and silly referees :) It wasn't all the referees fault anyway, we still would have lost 4-2.. Even though that's not as embarrassing! At least it would have looked like we put up a little bit of a fight!
Oh well :) I had a great weekend anyway, following on from my last entry :) I met up with my cousin Saturday for a few hours for the first time :) I have to say that meeting someone like that makes me feel really proud of who I am. He is such a lovely and genuine guy, and I have to say I envy him! a) Because of his dashing good looks and b) he's been traveling =/ Something I really want to do. I don't want marriage, children and all that malarkey. I just want to see what's out there, save up a bit of money and get off :) Leave this country, find a better life, get away from all the crap that's happened and just live. I want to get 6th Form done with, get to college and then a final few years in university, save up my student loan and I'll be gone :) That sounds like ages away now but looking at how quickly time's flying at the moment, it'll seem like tomorrow! God time.. Where's it all gone? I've finished my compulsory education now, sat all my exams and to finish it off nicely our prom is on Thursday :) Had an induction day at the 6th Form and I can't wait to get started tbh! They should be a good 2 years! I'm really gonna get my head down and work my socks off... =/ Work. I need to find a job, I really need to get some money rolling in so I can save up for my traveling! I'll work on a CV while I've got this time off and print some copies out and start handing them round.. Someones got to have something available surely? I don't know, I'll get looking (Y)

My week.

I've not posted anything on here for a while! In that case I'll talk about my week starting with Monday :)
Monday:- I had an exam; ICT urgh; it went ok I guess, I'm not expecting amazing results from it or anything like! Probably would have helped if I'd had a decent teacher but hey ho!
Tuesday:- Had another exam; science; which was ok to be honest! And my lovely cousin Charlotte came and picked me up from school bless her :) and we went back to hers for a bit so that she could wait for her BlackBerry to arrive! So we spent most of the day transferring numbers (which took quite a while as she is so damn popular)!! But oh well :) She then came back to mine and she stayed the night :) which was awesome (H).
Wednesday:- Charlotte stayed for most of the day, didn't really do much! I watched the match, I have to say I was impressed by our performance, they pulled their finger out when it mattered most! I just hope we can beat Germany on Sunday now!
Thursday:- Took a trip to Meadowhall to get the final bits for prom next Thursday! Ahhh so excited! :D It should be a really good night :)
Friday (today):- Charlotte gave me a call and asked if I wanted to go shopping with her, so obviously I said yes and I've spent the day with her again. Just had a lovely pizza and garlic bread tea :) I may have to end tonight early as I need to get up in the morning, ok it's not that early, it's a 9 o clock start but it's early enough!
Saturday (tomorrow):- I'm going out with my lovely cousin Mike for the day :) It should be a good day, not met him before like so I'm really nervous! But he's a Gawthorpe so I can just tell it's gonna be a great day :). May take a trip to Rother Valley on the way home as every one is gathering again, and I'll see if I can get Mike to come back to mine 'cause my parents really wanna see him as it's been so long! 21 years! :O
Sunday:- Don't know what's happening Sunday but I'm gonna be watching England vs Germany.. I really hope we're gonna win, however we don't have a good track record when it comes to Germany.. And penalties.. But hey! How about a break through?!? It's possible :)
Anyways, that's my quick update done, I don't feel so bad now :)
Byeee xxx

Dreams..

Dreams are such weird things don't you think? I thought I'd bring this up as I keep having this on going dream, and I'm starting to wonder if it means something now.. Wondering if it's a "sign".. God that sounds stupid. It's not exactly the same but it's the same idea and stuff happening just in different places with different people.
I had another quite late night last night as there was a film on t.v that I wanted to watch.. "The Astronauts Wife".. It has Johnny Depp in it you see :) It was very good and didn't get to bed till about half 2. But my dream unfortunately wasn't based around Johnny Depp :(
It was about Robbie Williams :) in which you might have gathered from my Soccer Aid blog that I love him dearly :) In my dream I went to see him in this really small like hall place (it was still packed though) and I was with my dad and grandma.. He came out before his gig and greeted some people in the crowd.. Well this table appeared between me and my dad and Robbie went on my dads side and I was gutted and I reached across this table hoping to at least touch him.. But it didn't happen. What I didn't see him do was come around the table and next thing I know he's stood next to me.. I look up at him and stagger back a few paces and go "Robbiieeee!!" and he looks and I say "Can I have a picture please" So I throw my dad my camera and it takes him ages to take this picture and I can feel my eyes starting to fill up as the realisation hits me as to who I'm standing with and so when it's taken I lose it.. And then it turns out that my friend Tracey is there and she sees me crying and goes "Awww Amy!" So therefore Robbie looks again and sees me and pulls me into this really tight hug and I start crying even more, I say to him "thank you so much and I'm sorry for this" and he said "no thank you, it's nice to see that what I do is appreciated so much" and after a while he lets go.. (I'm still in hysterics) so he goes and gets on stage and starts doing his stuff.. Johnny Wilkes is there too.. Not doing much just prancing about the stage! I was stood like at the back so I was struggling to see stuff but then Robbie stopped his gig and said "Right I'm not happy about this, can everyone just move to the back of the place I'm gonna sort this out" and so everyone did, I stayed where I was and turned out to be close to the front of the big mass of people and he said "can the 2nd row come forward and you are now at the front" I couldn't believe it... I was gonna be at the front! ...
I don't remember much else after that as I woke up =/ But I dunno... I've been having a lot of dreams about going to see him... It's really bugging me now.. I don't know if my head's tryna build my hopes up or whether it's a sign.. I know it sounds pathetic but it's just... They seem so real! I just don't know...
Guess I'll just wait till he announces a tour and try and get tickets.. See if it lives up to all these dreams or whether it's just false hope.. I hope not :)
Early night for me tonight I think! Geography exam tomorrow afternoon and then in school all day Friday! That should be fun.. Not :)

Well it's 2:33am... Sat up, on msn talking to Joe :)God he's like your gay straight best friend. Currently talking to him about my hair and what I should do with it.. Got onto a very touchy subject with me at the moment.. death.. He didn't mean any harm by it, I just got a bit upset =/ The loss of my next door neighbor is still pretty hard going as he was like the big brother that I never had while I was growing up.. Only 29 bless him :( Hardly lived.. Anyways enough of that.. Just glad Joe's talking normally again after a horrible end to his relationship of over 2 years, and it's nice to see the old Joe coming back out again. We're on about going to see 30 Seconds To Mars in December in Birmingham! Tickets go on sale Friday and I hope my mum gets me them!! :D You Me At Six and 30 Seconds To Mars all in one week! :O Can't think of anything better tbh! Hehehe... Getting a proper buzz from it!
God I'm tired but I really don't want to go to bed.. But I don't want yet another sleepless night.. Not during exam season =/ But oh well, looks like its gonna be that way! I could carry on with my Jared Leto drawing I guess but all I've got left to do is his hair and that's effort! However I will get it done at some point! 3 exams left this week... They should be ok.. Only music, geography and citizenship... Ahhh citizenships a doddle but the other 2... :S oh dear haha!
I'm off... Wonder what time I'll be in bed.. If I go! haha
Night night fellow normal sleepers! xxx

Wow I have no idea how to work this thing still..
Just read through my friend Laura's blogs.. That girl can write, she's gonna do something amazing one day with her brains :) and I hope I'm there to see it :)
Lovely rainy weather.. Ha! Who am I kidding? I hate it. It's June for crying out loud! Where is de sunshine?! I guess it fits the mood of these horrible exams though, I'm getting through them ok, it just doesn't seem to sink in that these are like.. The real things! Sorta thing :) Had my geography one today; it went ok I guess! Better than I expected! And oh my god! I think my mum might buy me tickets to go see 30 Seconds To Mars in December!! Ahhh! :D That would be absolutely awesome! I love Jared :) <3
Only a quickie today, I want to keep it updated :) xx

Football :)

Hmm.. As it's World Cup season, thought I'd have a shot at doing one of these things, see if I can get hooked and as football's so popular at the moment.
I wasn't really into football until Sunday 6th June 2010, I'm a big Robbie Williams lover and only found out last minute that he was doing Soccer Aid again this year. I really wanted to see him again as I'd already seen him in concert at Milton Keynes which was absolutely amazing :) So yes, I've seen my idol twice, both in very different situations but both very amazing.
I couldn't quite believe I had the chance to see him again. We were just going to turn up to Manchester on the day and hope for the best of getting a ticket. I was in luck! They had loads left.. Admittingly it wasn't as close as I'd hoped but we were there! They were actually very good seats, sat behind a goal, quite close to the back but we could see over the goal and everything that was going on without straining our necks too much!
What a fantastic atmosphere it was :) Robbie came out to do the warm up before the match and the place went mental! Camera flashes everywhere, girls screaming, men cheering, horns going off, what an atmosphere! Even if you don't like football all that much! It's still an experience and I recommend you go to any match!
Hmmm I was going to talk about football but it's ended up being about Robbie! Oh well.. There's no restriction on the words used so might as well! It was a great match, everyone got into the football spirit, a disappointing finish but oh well! a 2-2 finish but went onto penalties which unfortunately, England lost! They put up a great fight though. Going to see that put me in the mood for the World Cup! I'm not that keen on watching all the games though, just the England ones :) I have to admit though, I didn't watch it tonight as I was talking to my cousin who I haven't spoken to in what seems like ages so I stayed on msn and spoke to her :) But again.. Not a bad turn out for England! 1-1 against USA! It could have been worse, we could have lost!
I don't know if I've got the right hang of this... I got told to just write :) So it's what I've done.. I might try and keep it up to date but I'm not promising anything! Is this classed as talking to yourself? Or writing out everything you want to say to yourself but can't 'cause you feel slightly insane? I don't know.. But I like it :)
I'm leaving it there for tonight!
Byee xxxxxxxx
P.S... I've wrote about Robbie but yet got a Take That song up here... Oh well, same difference :) and it fits I guess so yeah! x

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Now playing: Take That - Greatest Day
via FoxyTunes